Tolerant nothings

Most of us do feel protective and defensive about our heritage, culture, religion, or loved ones and sometimes we just stop being objective and receptive to criticism about things that we deeply care about. The first step towards growth is introspection and asking constant questions. Only when we identify the brokenness can we start the process of rebuilding.

So let’s face it, Modi is no beloved leader and his past is sketchy and somewhat radical. There was enough suspicion around him to make some of us skeptical. But we voted for him and he is now my Prime minister, shouldering the hopes and aspiration of the world’s largest Democracy. And as a mature progressive democracy, it is both my right and obligation to question the head of state. Yes I am apprehensive that as a society we are increasingly becoming intolerant but this admission does not make me any less patriotic.

May be we were just as intolerant before the 26 May 2014, but the question is being asked now and in the present the word BAN is more relevant than corruption.

Could it be that the liberals are overreacting? We would be fooling ourselves if we do not admit that secularism is our Achilles' heel. Hence the economic development, international relations, or growth (debatable) in the Modi’s tenure all take a back seat. The diverse fabric of our volatile unity still has scars from our intolerant past. But our recent reaction and anger towards the debatable intolerance is a proof that we have come a long way from our past of colonial favoritism.

Our multiplicity is what joins us and hence we have to be accepting and tolerant of our nations many many differences. We cannot afford to regress and allow state to interfere with our decision making by tainting our options in a certain shade of saffron.

The growing polarization between the Modi worshiping “Seniks” and the question asking “Liberals” sometimes makes us forget that we are all on the same team. You and me have the same dreams for our India and a conservative narrow society is definitely not part of our vision. We want the vibrant democracy that allows vegans, beef eaters and pork lovers to sit together on one dinner table. The large overcrowded table where each one of us is equipped and free to make our own choice, and everyone is excited for the versatile preference and diverse tastes.

You are not welcome!

In the late 80’s, the minorities were forced out of Kashmir and there was a mass exodus of large Pundit population. As Kashmiri Pundit's we were told that it was only an internal temporary displacement from Kashmir to its neighboring state. We were going to another city in the same country, where the locals were mostly of the same religious and cultural background.
 Hence, we pictured gates being opened to the refugees with empathy, kindness and relief that we had made it out alive. But instead what waited us was skepticism, hostility and judgement. Sadly, Refugees are never welcomed.

Sea of people with no money, material possession were running to be alive. This meant that resources were going to be redistributed and mostly on unfair terms that involved moving the tax payers hard earned money towards feeding unemployed, homeless cowardly humans who couldn't fight for their homeland.We were a massive liability of over 150,000 humans who were also expecting empathy and kindness.

The world we live in does not promote humanity over religion, or Brotherhood over Nationality or someone else's safety over our own economic security. We value our personal comfort, financial stability, growth over someone else’s life. Hence, it was only fair that the Locals were feeling threatened by the inflow of migrants. We were crowding their city,  taking their jobs, eating their food and claiming what was meant to be for them and their children. While, we relentlessly argued that we were entitled to a life and security and that we had suffered enough to gain these advantages. But in reality we were the guilty guests who wanted to wash utensils after we ate their food just to feel included.

 In order to fit in, we compromised on our culture, religion, traditions and language. We were the unwelcomed temporary guests, who had nowhere to go back to. Eventuality we tried to replicate our pre-migration normal life, built houses, made friends, built relationship, and completely forgot who and where we could have been. But kept our old fading memories of who we were without any substantial proof like photographs, papers, or documents.

 We have been here for over 25 years, we have learnt to call this Home, but they continue to call us "Migrants”.

Being Indian

15th August (Independence Day Of India)...It is the day of visible display of patriotism- people selling me flags at the Traffic signal, my favorite radio station playing "Saare Jahan se Acha..",  my Facebook feed full of  "I love my India"  status updates, my phone is spammed by forwards including that "Our Indian national anthem has been voted the best by Unesco", while the movie "Border" is playing on at-least 5 TV channels.. I feel Today I could just die for my country!

 But then these party poopers show up and they refuse to be a part of this Celebration.! These bunch of people who say that they do not identify with this nation and Nationality, and say that they refuse to abide by the lines drawn by our English friends. The say that they want "Azad Kashmir"


. So in 1947, in between the 14th and 15th of August, people were rather harshly handed over the identity of being Indian or Pakistani's, but the fate of Kashmiri's was kept in abeyance. They were to be Kashmiri's until further notice. Over years of precise propaganda, they were instead handed over guns to decide for themselves. We could call the struggle of these Kashmiri's misguided, or deluded or just a search for their identity. The death in numbers, turmoil, living in curfews, sleeping with gun fires, and walking with stone pelting and generation and generation of people who were  made to believe that they needed freedom ! "Hum Kya chate Azadi" ("All we need is Freedom")!


So I exist somehwere on the edge of this confusion, a Kashmiri (mostly Indian) but without "a" Kashmir! Today, amidst all this display of celebration of freedom something inside me turns tri-colored. As the national anthem is being played I stand up awkwardly with this intense realization of my own emotions of patriotism. How could I feel so intensely about identity/nationality that did not have any common grounds.
May be this sudden gush of emotion has settled the debate for me " I am afterall a PROUD INDIAN"

who is getting married???

Wedding diaries- That book that I was not interested in reading until I was the one getting married.
Nonchalant that this marriage thing only happened to other older more mature people. But before I realized it, I was  already on a self propelled journey of quite a few hyperbola’s. No please don’t ask me to stay calm, for heaven sake it’s my wedding , and yes I am invited by default..

So counting days, months to the wedding, I had to write the jumbo mombo of the many thoughts that go through the head (in the spirit of educating those who are or would succumb to the “wedding
syndrome”).


The most obvious thought of “how your life may change after marriage” gets completely sidelined and the predominant question of wedding dress takes the center stage in the “duh, obviously” way!. And before you appraise yourself with this change in priorities (from facebook to pinterest), everyone starts expressing their rather verbal, and impolite concern about "you losing weight" for the wedding.

While you expecting people to share their profound insight and anecdotes on marriage (and maybe even staying married), instead you are handed over a whole book full of wedding know hows (hair dresser's Number, Best wedding dress designer, make up tips, and not to forget best Diet plans). And that's when you realize that the extremely dramatic query of “whaaaaaatttthh you don’t have a hair dresser yet” is universally accepted as normal and the “what are you wearing” question is the most  obvious first question from friends and family right after you announce that you are getting married! I guess this is why smiling brides and grumpy groom holding “the end” placards are so universally accepted.

How did we (women) manage to convince the world with such conviction that our ultimate mission was infact to be married and the wedding was our own little fairytale of perfection (perfect hair, dress, makeup, shoes, jewelry, perfect, perfect, perfect).! As much as I would want to deny it, I squarely fall into the category of “I hate planning” and if that wasn’t bad enough I have what they call a “9 to forever” job and hence my favorite thing for all wedding related planning is procrastination (so if you can get it done the day after today, then maybe you should only attempt doing it the month after).

But I keep hearing these voices “but what about the dreams you had for your wedding”. I must admit, for a very short second I did panic. May be even I want a pintrest worth wedding but then I have full 5 whole months to plan it and then I write my first and last note in my own wedding diary "it is just a wedding and besides you Mrs. Bride, noone really noticed how perfect those center piece's were"!

i died...

Why is it so difficult for us to accept that we are dispensable and borderline inconsequential? So yes we will die, and as sad as that may be, the world will keep on moving at its pace.

Remember that book “who will cry when you will die?”, it was by far the most redundant title, because when you do actually die the last thing on your to be black mind would be the amount of tears that your death will cause.Grand Finale, very last breath, good bye, emancipation equated to the comfort that you would otherwise derive from self importance- "hey! I just died!!!!!!!!... and all you did was cry..??"

 In a science class they once told me, we are 50-65%water, not solid steel or titanium, not precious diamonds, not artificial plastic, but water. Could this mean that we can evaporate and dry up? Our physical existence, a covering on skin, ectodermal tissue, muscles, blood, veins, bones, tissues and the internal organs delicately and meticulously put together, with immense meaning and purpose.
And yet covered with this vulnerability of in-existence, only bones and flesh, breakable and degradable, fragile.

But then still what a wonder we are.. While I process my thoughts, I also breath, exhale and inhale, process oxygen, throw out carbon dioxide. I eat, digest, process the food, retain the important, throw the waste and I see my computer screen, hear the noise of keyboard, touch it, type words while my minds imagining and thinking and all when I thought I couldn’t multitask.

I am unknowingly, effortlessly equipped to perform various tasks, some with practice and some naturally. I wonder how such fine balance was created, this refined structure, meticulous design, wondrous mind and impeccable outcome. And yet, I was created to end, to vanish, to decompose and to DIE.

In words of a wise Mr. Taxi walla … “even if you put all the money in the world, with all the many precious stones and every materialistic, expensive things that ever existed on one side of the scale of balance... it would not be able to measure one tenth the value of even one human being...That’s how priceless each life is…. ”

"s-he"

So like the most, I was traumatized beyond believe reading how the women of certain states in India were objectified. How preposterous the facts were, “32” women raped in just three months! How did we get so immune to a crime that we speak nonchalantly quoting numbers, just unaffected?

I identify with the word “shame/ haya” and the baggage of being obligated to act within the parameters of what’s allowed and permitted. I know sometimes how violated I feel by just a pair of letchy eyes and hence, my imagination does not even permit me to quantify the pain, the anger, and the frustration, of a girl who would be subject to such extreme physical violence.

But I am most bewildered by the man who would stand tall and guiltless saying: “she called it upon herself”. As a society how did we reach this place of complete lack of compassion laced with such blatant ignorance.So even though the operative word was and is still, “rape”, I am appalled at the mind sets and justifications that were floating around. I was shamed and angered not just by the perpetrator but also by our society for shifting the blame of being raped on a woman.!

 In the paradox of such well defined gender existence, how did the women fall so low? Is she still repenting for the apple she once ate?

As a woman, I also understand the complexity of such defined physical bodily existence and I know how blessed we are to be created in this form. But pride may sometimes stem from the fear of feeling threatened, so while I am reemphasizing I am so proud to be a woman, I question if even that’s taking a stand in recognizing the gender inequality, difference and the biases.

 The paradigm of the most misinterpreted word called “Feminism” where we all hold hands looking back at the long journey we have undertaken, reinstating our independence, liberation and freedom.   I am concerned for how so much is still so little.

Men are still delusional about the power they hold, women are still covering their heads in burkha convinced it’s what they chose, little girls are being killed before they can even see the first ray of sunlight, young girls being molesting and being called sluts, domestic violence , banishing women to live in guilt and accepting their fate and educated intelligent women living with low esteem.

Can we restart the wheel where a man is sensitized to feel like a woman. We relearn to see, feel, comprehend the parallels of existence. It’s a beautiful yin-yan of conjoined existence, where we exist in such peaceful unity of acknowledging yet loving the difference. Hence we restart from the very beginning where apple dint signify sin but an instrument of realization of the elementary difference that existed or the irony of similarly of sorts!

\frac{d}{dx}(x^2)=2x.

So they say there are some indisputable facts (irrelevant if you may want to claim), but ones you can’t really deny. So 2+2 in most cases will be 4 unless you can’t count! Then in the boring maths class, we were convinced that you couldn’t add toys to ladders, or books to animals, as invariably it takes two of the same ‘type’ to be added together. You may need to devise a way to make things fall under a common bracket if you do wish to add them together, 8books+8Books=16 books?

As intriguing as that may have sounded, I never absorbed the metamorphoses of Maths, and its boisterous claims to be based on sheer logic and facts. It requires learning and “practice” to solve trigonometry problems, there is not much imagination and creativity but yet "sin, cos, tan" seem more of a pun to your logical side!

 So 856 magically multiplies itself with 8568 and the figure you get requires an ancient object called calculator! Then world of calculus which breaks down the worldly reality into differentiation and integration and seems like nothing but manipulation by the more “evolved” brains to distort and reinstate the limitation of the average “common” man.


 To a mere spectator of the bizarreness of maths, 1 seem to be lean and focused all by himself, assertive, not valued very highly and 2 seems to be the more humble one, poignant, content yet not sufficient, and 3 is odd, chasing behind 4 who seems rather arrogant and self important, 5 seems more mature, ambitious while 6 is a little lazy but overtly promiscuous and 7 is stable, more recognized and linear in more ways than one, 8 is significant through its insignificance, curvaceous and a bit loco and then concluding number 9, the more I say about it, the less it is.

 The anatomy of numbers may be crass but ultimately what all it has been applied to seems so brilliant that it may appear like a propaganda! Hence we may want to conclude that the thought process of Maths is so logically derived that the conclusion (= X) seem more of an aberration! Yet this popular man once said” 'The universe cannot be read until we have learned the language and become familiar with the characters in which it is written. It is written in mathematical language, and the letters are triangles, circles and other geometrical figures, without which means it is humanly impossible to comprehend a single word. Without these, one is wandering about in a dark labyrinth.'

Part-2: Note to self

1.Dude is not a word! Neither are anxcie and spendy! “Lol”! Yes the word vocabulary was intentional.

2.The only permitted short form is TMI, only because there is nothing better that may say “Too much information” in those many words!

3. “Overtly sweet” is so 90’s it died when Britney spears committed “the sin”.

4.If you are an adult, you better have an opinion about the vainest things, and because you are an adult human being you better be accepting of the other side of the story!

5. If you are bitchy and straight forward chances are you are my friend, and we will be together telling the world what we think of it!

6.There is a thin line between being straight forward and being mean, and if you are the later well there is this word “reality check”!

7.Being kind is super but sometimes it lacks empathy

 8.You may have all the money in the world, how you spend it is the real differentiator

9.Laziness is wasting yourself and for most obvious reasons worst than wasting water and natural resources

10.Watching TV is refusing reality and interfering with work of possibilities

11.The word possibility is a double edged sword

12.Madness is always permitted, but self inflicted pain is plain foolishness!

13.Love is so simple, that it takes time to accept that something so uncomplicated can still be profound

14.Hate and jealousy are more consuming than love, and yet only love can come to your rescue.

15.Connection to self is the only thing that may join you to what lies outside.

16.If you don’t read, there is a essential part of growth that you are willfully refusing

 17.Music is.. I doubt if there is any adjective that may ever complete that sentence

18.Word “Aukaad” is so multidimensional


19.Red and blue are not just colors!

20.
Complete is the most overated word.

You have failed me…

Yes, you crumbling old city, dying of your own lack of actions and deed. This dear city is stagnant and paralyzed by the ineffective anachronistic bureaucracy. The obsolete infrastructure is falling apart and the phrase “development” seems to be an oxymoron.

 It’s both strange and ironic that this very city takes great pride in being the commercial capital and yet the entire city seems to be in shambles. And the thing which irks me the most is that no one seems to be complaining!  So if have not seen a garbage dump within 300 metres of your house, its about time you step out of your air conditioned car.

This city seems to have made peace with the never ending trash, rubbish and the typical stink. So many times I hear my friends proudly exclaim “this is the Mumbai smell” .. (Oh so you have noticed this unpleasant smell??)

 So the best and the underrated irony of this city is its public transport. The buses which proudly calls itself “BEST” and the train which have lived way past its expiry date. Its self inflicted misery, if you have to travel in a train during the rush hours. If nothing it’s the clearest picture of the word “survival”, where there is little or no place for words like growth development and improvisation.

 So I ask myself- is it even human to share a space of 100 metres with 100 other people? Isn’t it gross violation of someone’s personal space? The idea of space in this big metro city is wonked, the idea of housing has been altered and a 50 sq metres is considered a “house” and for which you are fighting, bidding and saving every last penny that you have ever earned. The unrealistic cost for housing is preposterously ironic, it’s based on the primitive economics of supply and demand ratio. While the rest of the world would raise the basic question of value for money or the consumers need for quality, in bandra we succumb to high rentals simply because it’s marketed as the “hip” side of city and no one seems to know what is it that could be making it so hip!

 So then I hear certain nobody scream that “we don’t need outsiders in our city”, I am appalled with how unconstitutional that statement is, and how something so preposterous would take the centre stage in politics. Then a certain somebody shows up and says “I will shut all the night clubs and ensure no one partys to ensure safety” and I wonder if a fun harmless party at Zoe is the essential and critical issue which the city is dealing with.

 So enumerable times I hear people boost about the city’s resilience and fighting spirit, which I feel is often confused with sheer complacence only implying how inured we could be to all the lack that we live in. The place and time we are living in does not permit the city and power to still operate in the manner it does, and it’s strange that we are just being spectators, accepting and infact allowing such injustice and lack of order.

 It scares me that I may live in the world that does not demand change and rather closes its eyes to all the inadequacy and lack. But then I see the change in other cities like Delhi, Hyderabad, Ahmadabad, even Jammu and I can’t help but ask questions, why not Mumbai? The question is so rhetorical it almost seems like a pun! But I am glad I am asking questions and a slow transition towards demanding answers. The hope stems from our refusal to accept the way things are and that’s when change becomes mandatory..!!

if i could i would..

We have been preached through Ramayana that we were meant to operate within the Laxman Rekha that was drawn for us and the repercussions of disobeying such lines would only mean catastrophe. And to further comfort us, we were made to believe that such lines were drawn only for our safety and we were not equipped to fight the powerful demons that waited at the line to devour us!

 Each thought is head start to a limitless journey, course of which is but an experience. The end is where you draw the line and the line is mostly drawn or accepted by us simply because we presume anything beyond is not within our capability or control.

Hence limitation in most cases is nothing but our fear of what lies behind the line. What I am capable of, is a question to which the answer can be revealed only after I cross the boundary. The option or the choice is always with him who decides to comply or defy, either to operate within that framework of understanding or steps out of it to explore and redefine the very concept of his existence.

 The simplest and the most profound thing I heard was “you don’t have to be stuck at one place, you are not a tree” So the dexterous four limbs, those pretty eyes, a full talking mouth, and that powerful brain could not all just be a coincidence!

note to self

1. The primary difference between the protagonist and sidekick is his acceptance of being the sidekick!

 2.Motion is obligatory to experience

 3.Distance means displacement from point A to B, and there are infinite ways for it, may not always be the right, left or straight.

 4. What you say what you feel and what you do, need to be aligned and always in a straight line.

5. When he leaves he just about exists

6.There are a million ways of saying one thing, hence the word vocabulary!

7.Clarity and confusion are not the opposite, confusion and understanding are.

8.Purple is so closely related to red but you need red to make purple!

9. sometimes "I" act as the second and third person!

 10. All precise notes have 10 points.

Spell check

The time to do a spell check!

So all the same old issues still exist, they haven’t been repaired, forgotten or erased from the memory.
Ample suggestions and advice's were given, not necessarily well received but never the less heard and acknowledged. One very prevalent view was that I fight these issues, go face them, and even defeat them but fear has been a constant companion through it all.
opening the closet sometimes means all the mess comes falling down and then there is no escape but to patiently invest time in meticulously folding each piece of clothing, stacking them up and throwing old junk, and crying unstoppably over missing things and worrying over your favorite jeans that refuses to fit.
 How are you going to face the issues fight them defeat them, and that thought gives birth to a set of not so controversial views that I have detailed herein. This is where I rather give a disclaimer, on lines of how all the views expressed by me are just mine, they are not necessarily correct, true or applicable! So the first most popular, well propagated view of fighting the demons is through Mr./ Ms/ Omnipresent God. His PR team seems to be super efficient, he reaches where no one does, offer solutions which noone else does, all pervading all powerful add omnipotent to that. Story goes David fought goliath! Remember how his issues were huge, powerful, equipped with cool fighting gears and David had Jesus in this team fighting for him. Bottom line, pray-thank-kiss ass and eventually god may come to rescue. Lets not go to the controversial, then why do people die, get divorced, are born ugly and have issues on the first place. Then comes the theory of “karma”, which clearly promotes, actions which are good, the overused “you shall reap what you sow”.! Remember How Arjun was so caught up in his confusions and issues and how Krishna explained this theory. So they say humans are bound to do only Karma without the fhal ki icha/Apeksha. Murphy has tried hard to propagate alternate views and they have been rather convincing. Then come soul talkers, psychiatrist alternate therapies like talking to dead people, magical remedies, angel therapy, and a lot of other rather innovative therapies, where sometimes even the healer (more messed up then messed up people) finds enough messed up people who have fall for it and there Mr. Healer finds his solace (oh yes my child we are all messed up). So that what has given rise to “Rashika the healer” with the simple law of we are all messed up and more importantly “I cant really offer any solutions” I can only talk to you. The understanding of your issues and the acceptance of the scars is the only solutions sometimes. As situational as Happiness may seem it is mostly innate. And as distant the faith may look sometimes all it takes is just believing! So vent if you may, I may not repair, neither heal but we may together reach that clarity that you have been striving for! So the only thing we are all looking for is happiness, the places where we find them is where the issues lie..! Love, career, money, clothes, beauty are only deception, the motive is not any of it! Alibi’s may be essential to live through monotony but the issue arises when the Real object is lost in alibi’s! So while we need pretty clothes, successful careers and loving husbands, they are not the center of happiness, they are means but not the happiness! Repairing is not instant, it’s a process, it’s an art you learn neither inherit nor magically imbibe! The process is rather a slow one, its what the essence of life is hence needs patience, hard work, effort, righteousness, faith and lots of other basic tools that we need to live life..! All said and written, there is no rule/ solution that doesn’t have exceptions.. Everything anyone can ever say is subjective and the universal applicability of it highly debatable.

if

For once I want perfection…
Perfection that’s boring!
Perfection that makes it all unreal!
Shallow perfection!
Perfection where even if I want I can’t crib!

Happiness that’s untainted!
Happiness that doesn’t make me feel guilty!
Happiness that’s not reliant or contingent!


Love that’s devoid of all fear!
Love that’s simple!
Love that’s not a paradox!

Objects in abundance!
Objects that don’t reflect need!
Objects that suffice!


People who are not an alibi!
People who are tolerant!
People who are accepting!

Life that’s self explanatory!
Self that’s immaculate!
Values that are not subjective!
Dreams that are manifested!

the man who loves to wear lipstick...!

The world needs two things most desperately from each one of us… Acceptance and tolerance!
In the world that has pre-defined roles, set notions and a strong sense of rights and wrong. The gender roles of what ought to be and such a little space/freedom of any variations deviations from that.
In between is the story of a man who loves to wear lipstick…!
“I am Manifest Divinity, Unmanifest Divinity, and Transcendent Divinity. I am Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva, as well as Saraswati, Lakshmi and Parvati. I am the Sun and I am the Stars, and I am also the Moon. I am all animals and birds, and I am the outcaste as well, and the thief. I am the low person of dreadful deeds, and the great person of excellent deeds. I am Female, I am Male, and I am Neute”
Strictly speaking the whole postulate of gender based generalization is only an aspect, a tiny speck of the broader bigger picture. The thought is yin yang of merging identities, the feminine and masculine which merge to complete union. How relevant is “gender” in defining the roles of an individual who operates on so many other more complex and abstract identity. Yet, we define normal within the that outdated social construct! Its only rational to conclude that the composite structure of that generalized gender characteristics do NOT apply universally. The beauty lies in being able to express that deviation from the so called NORMAL..
Hidden between the lines is a story of a woman who loved kissing another woman…!
The idea is to express that sexuality or the variation from the normal freely and happily.. Behind the closet where they forced to hide the essence of their true identity.. The cost of operating within the normal defined structure of what the worlds defined!
Acceptance of all that we do not necessarily adhere to or understand. She is not like me, but she is! The identity/ existence of different sexual orientation is independent of anyone’s acceptance, yet the non acceptance is a blatant ignorance of what is..!
Lost between the lines is a man who pretended to love another woman, he tried to be “normal”!

""myon"

I is all I have! I have to save me! I have to live with me!
Dual individuality-what I am and what I am expected to be!
Even if I try I wouldn't be different! Self absorbed, awareness of being, and conscious of what anyone could rather have me as!
The least? acceptance!
I cant be her! I must have tried! But turns out I can't be anything but me! I am only good at being me !
Belonging, assurance of knowing that I will have me, for me, exclusively!
Security that comes from the realization that I is all I have, everything else is just a mirage!
All that's within the head is "u".. The entangled thoughts, the idea of self, the sense of existence and the notion of 'I'.
I am glad I have the ability to express in words all that 'intricate vague idea' of who/what/where "I AM" in that moment! In the process of capturing the transitory idea of identity! I speak to the possible futures, me and all that I am going to be! What future I decide to make my present is in the hands of each phase of that evolving me!
Words are indeed the most powerful medium.. Each time I read the words I had addressed to the future me, I see the rough sketch of who I am capable of being! I see what I was and what I could have been, and I question if there Is any remote resemblance in that "idea of me" and what "I actually am"!!
I want to believe that past Rashika must have still been me. And for what I did to her I would want to give myself some benefit of the doubt! I did try to retain the essence of that 'identity' if and how much I have succeeded, only that little Rashika can ans!
The least I do is to constantly ask myself the question of if I have done justice to her and all her wants and inspiring dreams and her pure hope of the future!:
I know She is the only person I am answerable to!

Her ability to dream, hope, and distinguish herself from the rest of the world! She had some grand plans for herself! I do look up to that idealistic her to feel the peace of knowing that I did 'know better'!

past...

Narcissus flower


Lets go…

The things I loved I am allowed to keep, the rest of baggage can be split equally. You can take the days, I will hold on to the nights... Remember to clean the closet, I will hide the scars in my bags, you can take the bitterness. We can leave behind the paraphernalia..

We can often revisit that familiarity of past and awkwardness of change until we forget our way.

Let go..

identity

Queen Esther

The lost identity, struggling to discover who you are.! Traces of who you wanted to be and faded memories of who you were..
Deriving a false sense of defined individuality and to struggle to “be”
Change is the intrinsic characteristic and yet in that transition to sort of classify each temporary shade of you as you.!

Its “me”, I am, I exist, I am of all the many things… I cant be defined! The clashes of each shade does finally merge into something that we call the “pillars” or the essence of that “transitory being”… the existence is complimentary to time and yet inversely proportionate to time!

I heard somewhere “the world desires maximum commotion” hence the only natural state is Disorder.. So we can conclude that our need of order is only anomalous! Existence of any sort (of or in) that chaos is only permitted!

nvm...

The search of reasons/logic/ideas/ sense…or we supposed to just live life?????
a) How much of sense and order does life have?
b) It can aaaalllll be justified.!
c) “Dispensable” is a word in dictionary/thesaurus both used and applied
d) The only thing that can be predicted is that we do die in the end..!
e) The goodness of all ancillary terms do not guarantee anything!
f) Ohhhh it is al sooo bloody Subjective!
g) God has limitations, Humans are but Humans!
h) All that we could do/not do by the end is just NEVER MIND!

I rest my argument, its all just too ironic!
Lot in control of something I have pretended to be, yet its only permitted to periodically loose that fragile control
Hmmmmmm NVM????
That sums up a lot of what I want to feel and maybe something I am feeling (convinced myself of the "nvm state of mind" I am in after due deliberations!)
NVM no really lets NVM it all….. funny how such profoundness has reinvented itself and spells “NVM”.. For now I refuse to invest my time emotions, love, attention, thoughts to anything that does not SPECIFICALLY convince me of its NON-NVM nature. To the rest I say “NVM” in bolds!
My pond of peace is a “Pond” not the endless sea not the endless ocean not d fertile river its just a small pond! The Pond of peace has peace of Nothingness! Devoid of wants, and not of intellect but of awareness! I am thankfully nothing and nothing is incapable of existence! Nothing in the world could do anything or take anything from something that’s already NOTHING.. so the only concept that could exist in synchrony with that Nothingness is NVM!... NVM shall we?????

mediocre life

From the fireworks and spectacular stars to the mediocrity of life…
Suddenly we are time bound…
Age they say is catching up.. The very first thing age teaches you is to compromise! Compromise and make do with the sky that wasn’t starry!

They say rebelling is a sign of immaturity while They argue what could be greater sign of wisdom than fighting all those rules you haven’t made.!
Unimaginative minds blindly adhere to rules…while radical minds get accustomed to change!

Rebelling you stand alone misinterpreted and misrepresented and you don't even have the solace of being right!Rebelling is not as transparent as being right or as effortless as knowing that you are blatantly wrong. Its foolishly complicated…
The misfortune of not knowing how to get used to all that never was! Fighting not just for a belief but also the mediocrity of life…!

red!

The theme is red… and they say its not love!
Fidelity?
Trust?
Exclusivity?
Monogamy?
Strange how so many of us our convinced that we were made monogamous!
We are committed by love! It not emotional its not physical! Its just about honesty!
Can we afford to be honest in a relationship and honest to ourselves
I always believed that cheating was a character flaw.! You weren’t tuned well!
But world evolved and so has the perception of it
We need constant stimulation! Sometimes the reassurance of all that we are!
And sometimes we need a man/woman to confirm all we think we are.
No matter what we might have, it will not deter us from wanting more- much more!
It’s a fear of knowing that we will have to make do with whatever we have for the rest of our lives even if we admit that what we have is a certain Angelina jolie!
Our eyes are a powerful medium!
Hot men and hot women will never go out of fashion.!
Physical stimulation is far essential than any mental stimulation!
No matter how intellectually advanced we get, jimmy choos and faragamo will never go out of fashion.
We need and the “need” is a powerful catalyst to keep us captivated by life! It’s this need that has gotten us bound..!
It’s a revelation of your human side! We are to be absorbed, slowly it will take over and life shall prevail!
You can take a stand it will do whatever it can to tempt you! A sip of wine never intoxicated anyone. Need persisted and eventually you were smashed!