Sunday, March 20, 2011
I is all I have! I have to save me! I have to live with me!
Dual individuality-what I am and what I am expected to be!
Even if I try I wouldn't be different! Self absorbed, awareness of being, and conscious of what anyone could rather have me as!
The least? acceptance!
I cant be her! I must have tried! But turns out I can't be anything but me! I am only good at being me !
Belonging, assurance of knowing that I will have me, for me, exclusively!
Security that comes from the realization that I is all I have, everything else is just a mirage!
All that's within the head is "u".. The entangled thoughts, the idea of self, the sense of existence and the notion of 'I'.
I am glad I have the ability to express in words all that 'intricate vague idea' of who/what/where "I AM" in that moment! In the process of capturing the transitory idea of identity! I speak to the possible futures, me and all that I am going to be! What future I decide to make my present is in the hands of each phase of that evolving me!
Words are indeed the most powerful medium.. Each time I read the words I had addressed to the future me, I see the rough sketch of who I am capable of being! I see what I was and what I could have been, and I question if there Is any remote resemblance in that "idea of me" and what "I actually am"!!
I want to believe that past Rashika must have still been me. And for what I did to her I would want to give myself some benefit of the doubt! I did try to retain the essence of that 'identity' if and how much I have succeeded, only that little Rashika can ans!
The least I do is to constantly ask myself the question of if I have done justice to her and all her wants and inspiring dreams and her pure hope of the future!:
I know She is the only person I am answerable to!
Her ability to dream, hope, and distinguish herself from the rest of the world! She had some grand plans for herself! I do look up to that idealistic her to feel the peace of knowing that I did 'know better'!