south park

To be a spectator, look at life as an outsider, like an episode of southpark! I am not and am not cynical to not get the groove of the perverted humor. I am guffawing over the irony because I am just a viewer and not a character. I am detached from the consequences and moral obligations. I am just watching!
To push life an extra mile jus to see what it could bring, how it could react! I want to experience.. I wish I could call myself a Carvaka a Hedonist. While I experience I am bound by the false sense of such subjective morality. There is persistent guilt of not abiding while perfect freedom has been the intrinsic dire need.
We are bound by existence, the simulated paradox of social constitution. Its mechanical the system of knowing all that’s wrong with the world and all that’s inadequate in all those around and to grow up! Growing up to get used to the world and forgetting the instinctive rights and wrongs and finally becoming flawed and damaged and not knowing how we were made perfect.
The glimpses of that unadulterated me and yet not knowing if its just a mirage!

stars light etc...

To hold something so close that you cant see it clearly!
The life that exists and being entangled in it blurring all the facts and fiction that might anyway be subjective!
Thank god for all those things that don’t go as you had wanted them to!
For moving on to look back and reconfirm all that never was, wasn’t meant for you.
To see them falter judging them yet closing your eyes to it!
To compromise with constrains of being humans!
Yet the intolerance of your own sins!
To reassure yourself that guilt is a consciousness that you want to battle that humanness!
The constant metamorphosis of the revolving lives.
And the resilient self that seems to find comfort in the fallacy of permanence!